Hollyoaks star Joe Tracini has spoken of how the Covid-19 pandemic has made living with borderline personality disorder ‘more difficult to find reasons to stay alive’.
The 34-year-old actor appeared in Lorraine on Thursday to speak about his new memoir, Ten Things I Hate About Me, in which he explains how he lives with suicidal thoughts.
Joe has previously spoken out about being diagnosed with Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD) after nearly committing suicide and battling drug addiction for years.
Mental health: Hollyoaks star Joe Tracini has spoken candidly about how ‘world change’ amid the Covid-19 pandemic has made living with borderline personality disorder ‘more difficult’
BPD is a mental illness that affects a person’s ability to regulate emotions and can increase impulsivity and affect how a person feels about themselves.
When he appeared on the ITV chat show, he told host Lorraine Kelly how the ‘world change’ has made it harder for him to ‘find reasons to stay alive every day’, as he spoke of suicidal thoughts.
Joe solved the Covid-19 lockdown by sharing funny videos online, including dances of his, to elevate the nation, but he has also spoken about his difficulties during the pandemic.
Speaking about his mental health, he explained, “Every time I thought about killing myself, it always stopped. Sometimes it goes on for three weeks in a row, but it always stops.
Difficulties: Joe, who is best known for his role as Dennis Savage in Hollyoaks, appeared in Lorraine on Thursday to speak about his new memoir, Ten Things I Hate About Me.
“But it’s harder now. I felt this way before the world was turned upside down, so now that the world has changed, it’s much harder to find reasons to stay alive every day.”
The star said he spent four months with his girlfriend Holly and her family during the Covid-19 pandemic after visiting just before the first lockdown was imposed.
Joe, who is best known for his role as Dennis Savage in Hollyoaks, candidly said his brain “don’t like” him as he thought about how he copes with negative thoughts.
Joe continued: ‘I do it as a conversation, I don’t have a conversation, I have one set of thoughts and they are all mine.
Covid: He appeared on the ITV chat show and told host Lorraine Kelly how the ‘world change’ has made it harder for him to ‘find reasons to stay alive every day’
WHAT IS BORDERLINE PERSONALITY DISORDER?
Borderline personality disorder (BPD) – also known as emotionally unstable personality disorder (EUPD) – is a mood disorder and how a person interacts with others. It is the most widely recognized personality disorder.
In general, someone with a personality disorder will differ significantly from the average person in terms of how he or she thinks, perceives, feels, or relates to others.
Because some people with severe BPD have brief psychotic episodes, experts originally considered this illness atypical or borderline versions of other mental disorders.
While mental health experts now generally agree that the name “borderline personality disorder” is misleading, no more precise term exists.
People with this disorder also have a high rate of co-occurring disorders, such as depression, anxiety, substance abuse, and eating disorders, along with self-harm, suicidal behavior, and completed suicides.
“Ten percent of me is boring and normal and enjoys my own company, but 90 percent of me can’t stand me. I thought if I could separate the thoughts, maybe I’d have a chance not to choose when I die.’
Joe said he dealt with his negative thoughts by not treating it as “news” anymore because he said he would feel discouraged if he woke up every morning with the same feeling.
“I’ve stopped treating the fact that I’m not allowed to be news. Every day I thought I hope I would feel better, then I would wake up and not feel better,” he said.
“It’s a shame, it would be nice to be a fan of mine, but I’m not. I stop wasting time on the fact that my brain doesn’t like me.’
Joe also said he struggled with the advice of mental health professionals not to be alone because he spends much of his time alone.
He said: ‘I can only commit suicide when I am alone, and often I am alone. That’s what I struggle with because I’m alone a lot.
“I always struggle with that time. The longer I can wait between each terrible thought, the better off I’ll be in the end.”
The TV star said he is recording positive comments from those around him, while his brain convinces him that his loved ones “hate” him.
“I’m the only one who doesn’t like me, I’m the only one who doesn’t want me here anymore,” he explained.
“I try to take it when they say they don’t hate me because I know if I leave, my brain will go ‘well, they hate me.’ But I know they don’t.’
About his book Ten Things I Hate About Me, while he hopes people find it helpful, Joe said he can only focus on “saving” his own life.
Personality Disorder: Joe said he copes with his negative thoughts by not treating it as “news” anymore because he said he would feel discouraged if he woke up with the same feeling
“When people write books they talk about helping one person, but I can only focus on helping my life, that’s the only life I have to save,” he added.
It’s not the first time Joe has talked about living with BPD, as he admitted in an earlier interview that his brain “keeps” telling him to “take his own life.”
In April 2020 Joe appeared on Good Morning Britain discuss his struggles with mental health and how he coped? lockdown by sharing funny videos online.
Asked by host Lorraine Kelly about his current mood, Joe replied, “It depends on what day you catch me.
Candid: Joe has previously spoken out about being diagnosed with Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD) after nearly committing suicide and battling drug addiction for years
‘I have a high-end personality disorder. On Tuesday my brain told me to kill myself, but I waited.
“I appreciate making you laugh, all I can do is wait. I can’t change how I feel or how I think.
“However, if I linger, my feelings change. I stopped watching the news (no disrespect to you [Lorraine])!’
Joe revealed that while his girlfriend Holly has been a fantastic support to him, he has found it easier to deal with the current lockdown situation as he is used to isolating himself from the world.
He explained, “When I feel negative, I don’t stop myself from feeling negative. That’s not going anywhere. If I feel something, it will eventually change.
“Having Holly does help, but I’ve been in self-isolation since 1994. It’s good for me, but I’m constantly thinking about people who don’t have anyone.’
Speaking directly to viewers who may be suffering from mental illness, he said, “If you’re someone like me, don’t kill yourself, the world needs you.”
If this story has touched you, call the Samaritans at 116 123 or visit www.samaritans.org.
Comedian: Joe solved the Covid-19 lockdown by sharing funny videos online, including dances of his, to uplift the nation